Christmas Is So Magical.

Guest Blogger: Tall Skinny Giraffe (because I'm the opposite right now haha)

My husband, bless him, loves Christmas. Like, absolutely loves Christmas and everything that comes with it. Freshly cut Christmas trees, decorations, scented candles, baby Jesus, outdoor pond hockey, Christmas movies, Christmas music, presents, family dinners with turkey...I could go on for a full page.

So for Christmas this year, he decided to get tickets to the local theatre's A Christmas Carol and give them to his whole family. It was supposed to be a magical outing, full of peace and joy. We were both looking forward to it. The one thing we didn't factor in is that his whole family all together is, well, um...less than magical.

First we went out for dinner. We took Grandpa M, Grandpa R and Grandma. They all cannot hear. Grandma's hearing aids were either broken or lost, we couldn't determine which. Grandpa M loves to make really lame jokes with waitresses, who in turn feel very awkward and aren't sure if he's being serious or joking, and if so, should they laugh? Smile? Take him seriously? And if they say anything in return, he can't hear it! So it becomes a vicious circle very quickly.

Grandpa M also hates pepper. He feels it is extremely offensive and rude of the chef to include pepper in the French onion soup, or the salmon main course, or the potato sides. HOW RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE CAN THEY BE?!

So by the end of the meal in a full house restaurant, our nerves were already on edge because we'd had to yell across the table to the three old folks sitting opposite, disturbing other guests in the process. We had to do damage control with the waitress, re-order pepper-less food for Grandpa M, make sure everyone got to and from the car without falling, ensure Grandma's oxygen tank was actually on so she wouldn't die, remind her to pace herself as she literally gulped her glass of house white, re-interpret for each of them so they would understand each other, and make sure that we finished in time to get to the play through snowy winter driving conditions.

Anyway, we packed everyone up and actually made it inside the theatre before they locked the doors! Phew! There was a row of young children in front of us. I thought, "Great, they will probably be loud and obnoxious and ruin the whole experience for us." You know what? Those kids were as good as gold. But the old person sitting next to me who couldn't figure out the assisted hearing device and then yelled-while the play was in full swing-"IT'S NOT WORKING!" or, "THAT'S BETTER!" when I fixed it for him (again). Oh my, that was loud and obnoxious.

My husband got stuck next to his sister, who is pregnant with the worst recorded pregnancy of all time and is sick with a life-threatening cold. Her constant groaning, shifting, muttering, coughing, sighing, sniffling and general misery did nothing to enhance the experience for my poor, Christmas-loving hubby, who by this point was regretting this magical evening altogether.

The two other grandparents, stationed in the handicap area, insisted on having periodic discussions (arguments?) with their assisted hearing devices in their ears, so they could not hear each other but everyone around them could hear every single word. The rest of our family were trapped in the middle section of the row so we could do nothing but slouch in our seats in embarrassment and mutter to the other guests around us, "Who are those people??"

Did I mention that I am eight months pregnant and cannot drink? Fun times. My mother-in-law and father-in-law, who deal with this on a daily basis and have no capacity for any further stress in their lives had given up on the old folks for the evening, and were calmly sipping their amazing-looking red wine next to me.

When the night was done, and everyone safely home, I reflected on what makes Christmas and family "magical". Well, let's be honest. Magical does not mean perfect. We all have a level of dysfunction and discord among us, and I'm not perfect either-although I'd like to think so. The capacity to love and forgive each other, despite our faults, is what makes Christmas magical and amazing. There is nowhere else we'd rather be on Christmas day than with our families, despite the fact that they can be difficult, neurotic, annoying and obnoxious. We love them all the same.

Merry Christmas!!